Can my straight friend help me cash in my v-card by my birthday?
 
In one month, I turn thirty-five with my virginity still intact. Is there anything more embarrassing than knowing most of my French students have gotten more action than me? Je suis triste
 
When I accidentally reveal this secret to my close friend and co-worker Seamus, South Rock’s baseball coach, he offers to help me round the bases.
 
It has to be a joke, because Seamus is one million percent straight.
 
There’s no way he’d want to fool around with a chubby language nerd like me, even though I’ve harbored a secret crush on him since the day he first walked into the teachers lounge.
 
But then I realize he’s not joking.
 
I’m either entering thirty-five with a bang…or a friendship going up in flames.